Don’t Ask Me Why!

There are days when one feels an unexplained urge to write,despite having no idea whatsoever about the intended topic of scrutiny.Today is one of those days,and so,as I can think of nothing else to write about,here’s a review of “Humari Adhuri Kahaani!”Don’t ask me why!

I KNOW,I KNOW!Don’t judge me folks,not yet.Both Vidya Balan and Rajkumar Yadav have acted in really good movies (Queen, and Kahani:I liked those),and Emraan Hashmi is cuteness personified;so I decided to give it a go.(Mainly because I was persuaded by my best friends to watch it!Oh,the things we do for love!)

So,there I am,groggy and half asleep,with no clue whatsoever about the movie,except the actors and the title obviously,and the screen opens to a shot of a haggard Vidya Balan slumped on a window seat in a shabby bus on a country road.Moments later,she collapses,falls down to her knees(she does a lot of that in the movie,but more about that later),reaches out a hand,(to frame the title which appears moments later,accompanied by the signature tacky tune.),and drops dead,due to unknown reasons,which later are revealed to be, kyunki uska anteem samay nikat aa gya tha!

Despite the asli hindi dialogue (which was so mind boggling sometimes that I had to ask a friend what stuff meant!),I was intrigued by the story,as Namit Dass lamented the loss of his mother,and Rajkumar showed obvious signs of mental illness combined with a heavy dose of “creep”.In a typical Bollywood manouevre,he leaves behind a diary wherein he has written the story jaise it happened,bees saal pehle!(Excuse my crappy Hindi).

The camera zooms in on a middle-aged Vidya Balan aka Vasudha something(excuse me for forgetting the mundane details,like her last name) being a sanskari maa,bahu,beti,and whatnot!She manages to take care of her five year old by arranging flowers in a hotel,(although the fact that she manages to maintain that home in upper bombay on that meager income still intrigues me),all the while being Lady Sanskaar, throwing around incomprehensible doses of philosophy at anyone and everyone who cares!Enter Aarav Ruparel,the hotel magnate who doesn’t have a permanent address,(Trust me they have stressed on this fact a LOT.You’ll know what I am talking about,if you watched the movie;if you did not,uhm,never you mind!).Emraan Hashmi looks good,I have to give him that.That being said,his entry sets into motion a series of illogical events that eventually becomes “Humari Adhuri Kahani”,the movie!

The “most eligible bachelor” in the house,who is known for being “ruthless” and “unemotional” falls for the florist and her lilies,(AND her lilies,as they have emphasized so very elaborately!);The lead characters in this movie in order of decreasing importance and face value are:Emraan Hashmi,Arum lilies,Vidya Balan AND rajkumar yadav!After some gruelling wordplay (which I forgot the minute I escaped the movie theater),Aarav stages a mishap,and promotes Vasudha apparently for running straight into the flames to save the man;(idiotic,in my opinion,gallant,mayhaps,in his!),which he admits isn’t what he does every time(“Why the exception?”I asked,and was subjected to a glare and a reprimand by bebo dearest who was deeply engrossed!).Promotions being handed out,and fires being staged,Aarav sets off to Dubai,with a harrowed Prabal Panjabi,aka Apurva,his friend/assistant/sidekick always reminding him that they are being late for some flight or the other.It has been a good performance by Panjabi,but my OCD wouldn’t let me rest once I noticed his lopsided glasses,and his very weirdly placed eyes beneath them!(No offence).Idiotic woman that she is(take offence,I dont care,rather I know you all would not;and would agree quite unanimously that vidya balan’s amazing talent as an actor has been wasted here on a very “stupid” character,to put it in milder terms!),she refuses his offer,which in some very weird way pulls him towards her(Only Mohit Suri and the scriptwriter might know why this happens.Extra emphasis on the might!)

After a few twists and turns in the story(which honestly were the only thing that managed to keep me in my seat,along with Emraan’s presence ofcourse,as I could always zone out and just watch him for a while when the movie became too tacky),we find a besotted Emraan falling for Vidya in Dubai,as she continues being sanskari there,assisted by the over excited helper (irritating af,tbh,like “what are you so darn happy about all the effing time,woman??!”She is practically bouncing everytime she is included in a scene!Looks like somebody was a little too excited about there big bollywood break!)Accompanied by flashbacks,and Vidya dropping down to her knees at very unexpected moments (NOT in the circumstances you are assuming,you dirty freaks!),the movie slumbers on towards the second half.A trip to a desolate construction site,apparently to serve only the purpose of Vidya uprooting a bush and giving Emraan the opportunity to stare unabashedly at her,is squeezed in,to the tunes of some song in the background!

Under a starry Dubai sky,in some ethereal desert,Emraan confesses his undying love for Vidya in heavy Hindi(which again,results in her collapsing to her knees..oh no,wait a second,in this particular scene she flees,deliberately ruining pretty rangolis in the process,to go to the privacy of her room,and then drops down on her knees,fumbling to wear her mangalsutra for no practical reason).The next day,she leaves,only to collapse again,to which Emraan tells her of his “desire to take her somewhere!”>_<Moments later,we see beautiful Shimla,where his mother accepts Vidya and urges her to be with her son,(In a matter of minutes,mind you!The Ruparels are a very loving family you see!)AND calls her a 'banjaaran".(Don't ask me why;I just remembered that part clearly!Again,don't ask me why).Seeta and Radha also featured in the mother's soliloquy,but I couldnt fathom why!Vidya admits to knowing Nothing(main pyaar karna nahi jaanti,main jeena nai jaanti blah blah)This was funny till last Monday,because of her knowing Nothing;but now the Jon Snow shaped hole in my heart just makes me sad,to even think about “You know Nothing” memes,so let’s not dwell on it!*sniff*

Moving on,after loads of complications and absolute stupidity on Vidya’s part,the movie inches towards its end,with emotions like pyaar,sanskaar,tyaag,balidaan,pativraatya,saat janmo ka bandhan,and sanskar portraying a major role before finally giving way to feminism and self respect in the very end!(With Vidya falling once again,this time to “thank” Emraan-she grabs his, uhm,feet and calls him bhagwaan!)While my friends lamented the plight of a heartbroken Emraan who tries to help Vidya settle stuff with her husband,I was busy wondering why no one bothers about her kid after the interval!Maybe that’s the reason the kid didn’t bother about the mother until after a few days of her demise(refer the beginning of the movie)!The end becomes quite predictable,with Arum lilies playing the villain,as Emraan runs towards a field full of ’em,(beautiful place though) after sniffing their khushboo out from almost a mile away,(you’ve got a strong nose bud,cheers!),and yelling “khushboo”,to make matters clear,only to be blown up into smithereens!Vidya is informed of this by the sudden gust of wind that extinguishes the diya to warn her about her piya,and the diya itself which diligently refuses to light up again,thus confirming his death before his sidekick cries it out on the phone!

The movie ends with Rajkumar doing a graceful pirouette amidst the villainous lilies,scattering her ashes ,because apparently that will somehow reunite her with Emraan!This,coupled with the title tune that has an unnecessary twinge of sadness to it,was enough to reduce half the audience to tears,as the other half rolled around in laughter!I was caught up between bursting to tell my friend a couple of theories,and maintaining a respectful silence as the other half of my group sniffed and sobbed!Maybe that was because of Emraan Hashmi dying,I thought,and in an attempt to lighten the mood,pointed at khushbu and yelled, “It’s all because of you,khushbooo!”,which made her burst into giggles yet again,and I was rewarded with looks of fury and disgust as the mourners continued to maintain a sober facade all the way home!

So,yeah,the story was okay,and Emraan was cute,with the snow catching on his moustache and melting our hearts,but that’s pretty much it!I would recommend people to watch something else instead.(Maybe a documentary on Arum lilies,or on luxury hotels!)

Thanks for reading my mindless rants,have a good monsoon,ya’ll!

P.s:Speaking of,more posts on the monsoon and on life,coming soon!

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Worst Day Of My Life !(?)

So it all began with a night-out gone crazy;(Or,craziER as nights-outs are as crazy as they come!).

I had vivas the day after,(for the layman,Vivas are that phase in an Engineers life where they are supposed to know everything,but infact,know nothing!).By God’s Grace and my absolute talent of bluffing,I had sailed through all my other vivas considerably well!With only the last of the horrors remaining,I decided to take it easy on myself.(Horrible mistake,I tell you)

One crazy night of extraordinary,stupid fun later,there I was:the day before the vivas,dozing off at 10 in the morning,trying to cram up Java concepts,with a heavy heavy heavy head!(Oh the fun we had!But,no,I’m not supposed to tell ya’ll about it,and I’m not supposed to stray,so,getting on with the topic,*wink wink*)Needless to say,in that sleep-deprived state,(we only managed to doze off for a few moments at 4:35 in the morning!Oh I love my friends),my mind could not,or rather would not take much in!All I achieved the day before the vivas,was to brush up some basics,and make some handy chits for copying the programs!(Yes,yes,I know its bad and immoral and shameful and the works:Copying!)

The day dawned with this uneasy squirming in my gut which I dutifully ignored.The first blow came when I got a call from a friend saying that I was running late,horribly late,and that my number was up,literally!(Mine is among the last of roll numbers,so I always turn up a bit late:But the examiners had had a change of mind that very day!Like I said:Worst day of my life!)I managed to get the situation under control by running in and well,bluffing my way out of the examiners dreaded questioning!That made me drop my guard a bit,have some fun,click a few selfies,climb parapets,and,well,joke around,a lot,which in turn,proved to be fatal(No exaggeration)We had to perform some programs as part of the Practical Examinations(Which I din’t know anything of,ofcourse),and I walked in with the false confidence I had gained during the vivas,and a handful of images on my phone(of the programs we were supposed to do!:Not proud of it,but one has to do what one has to,to survive).The papers were handed out,and I luckily got a seat as far away from the examiners as possible,so I could’ve copied in peace!Oh If only I could’ve!The question I got,turned out to be the only question I did not have on my phone!So,after a panic attack and disturbing my immediate neighbours for a while,I wrote(copied) a similar program.Which the teacher rejected,giving me the death-stare!Its funny how teachers who seem harmless otherwise turn into absolute monsters during vivas!

Two more programs,a million attempts to copy,more errors than the teacher could ever imagine,and a bit of rona-dhona later,there I was,staring blankly at the computer,when she finally snatched away my paper!I came out with a dismal face,just hoping she would somehow have the good grace of giving me passing marks,atleast.(Fingers crossed)In my defense,I was just beginning to type the program out(one more time),and it might’ve been right,this time around,and I could even have achieved an output(A mean feat,since the college PCs are ancient versions of what we now call computers,and are so delicate they crash at the slightest stress),and then,atleast I tried,there’s gotta be points for that!Failure is not something I have ever encountered,and I plan to continue that way,so my grouchy mood was a given!It took a lot of convincing(texts,phone calls,hugs and slaps,and screams:the works) by any and everyone of my friends to finally make me let it go,to let it rest and not screw up the entire day over it!Again,I love my friends,so.damn.much!Well.that and some icecream from gelato!Immediate mood-uplifter I tell you,and you wont argue!

So,this is how I go home,when Momma announces I need to accompany them all to some family function!When all I wanna do is curl up in bed and lament over my screw-up some more!Again,I had to oblige,and I did go,but only after going home,watching a few episodes of HIMYM on the run(Yes,Again),eating something,and accidentally leaving a tap open,somewhere in the house!Results:When I finally was beginning to unwind a little and enjoy a bit,I get a call from my kaku(who stays next door),that the house is flooded!I remember mumbling something to dad in a hurry and just bolting from there before mum could catch hold of me!God bless that auto-vallah who helped me reach home in record time:Only to see the entire place in ankle deep water!Could the day get any worse!??!Heavens,I hate the crappy engineering  or plumbing,or both,at my place which makes it flood at the slightest of mistakes!Also,the floor is tilted,I noticed!It was 10 o clock in the night,so my only hope of salvation was to scoop- literally scoop out the water,all of it!Back-breaking work,I kid you not!Two hours later,after seeing corners of my place I had’nt even seen before,and clearing up water which mysteriously managed to resurface somehow,with the help of my angel of an aunt,and some help from daada(God Bless them both!),I finally managed to dry up the entire house,just in time before the rest of my family arrived!

It sounds fun now,but It wasn’t,not then!Plus,mom almost bit my ear off,praising my carelessness,and then shouting at “that stupid phone of mine”(I was texting everyone about this major blooper,and whatsapp tends to make us real busy,doesnt it?)!Finally,when the stories were recounted an ample number of times,and I could type no more,and the battery ran out,I had to go sleep!Thats when I had this epiphany,of how copying is not going to work for me all the time,and how I need to suck it up and actually start studying,for the semester is almost over and my books haven’t even been properly opened yet!So,it wasn’t that bad a day afterall:kind of an eye-opener of sorts,for yours truly has resolved to STUDY (among other things) from now on!Lets see how that goes!

Thanks for reading,and happy studying to ya’ll too,or whatever it is that you do,just,you know:Peace!*weird spock gesture*

Stay Blessed.Hope I pass.I know I will.Hope that works.OkBye!

P.S:The climbing parapets thing is true..will explain in the next post I do!Hang on.*wink wink*

Sports For Emotions

Sports for Emotions!
We hear a lot about sports for development(recent satyamev jayate episode,all the other awareness campaigns going on and yada yada yada),but for a hopeless romantic like yours truly,who searches for,and finds,in most cases,the feelings,those unnamed impulses driven by the human mind which make us cry,and laugh,and love and live,it is the emotional aspect of things that appeals to the eye!
I recently had the good fortune of watching the much-talked about biopic,”Mary Kom”,and needless to say,that is what inspired this article,giving shape to a million thought-threads,which were already whirring in my mind!Sports:”An activity involving physical exertion and skill in which an individual or team competes against another or others for entertainment“. This might be the real,actual definition of sports,but aren’t they more,much more?All of us have experienced that familiar rush of adrenaline coursing through our veins when a favorite team or individual wins,or scores,or even,competes!Closer home,sportsmen are treated with the kind of reverence and love only reserved for gods!
It is human tendency to be emotional,to be fiercely proud of something,to consciously put one’s entire consciousness behind that idea,that belief,that spirit!What better example to this incredible phenomenon then,say,an India-Pakistan cricket match?!The entire nation unites as one single consciousness,every minute followed by a billion pairs of zealous eyes,every player no longer alone,but a representation of those billion odd souls praying,hoping,cheering,supporting!Even the memories of the charged atmosphere give me goosebumps,as I write this!I can cite more than a few instances of the emotional involvement,and the gradual disappointment-slash-frustration-slash-gratification that these moments bring:The India-Srilanka worldcup finals,oh,the disappointment when the big guns did not blaze,the initial frustration replaced by hope when Virat and Gambhir reached 30-odd runs each,the increased pulse rate when Dhoni walked in to bat,the hopes,the scares,the lub-dub-dubs!The jubilation!The tears of joy when Dhoni finally sent the ball out of Wankhede for a magnificent six and India became World Champions!I remember shouting myself hoarse,and also,not speaking properly for the next two days(the shouting,ofcourse)!I remember the celebrations out in the streets,I remember Dad dancing with joy like he was a Kid!
Another instance,is when Sachin Tendulkar retired!That moment.Nostalgia.Love.Tears.No more words to describe the lump in the throat when it finally sinks in that your living legend won’t be playing anymore,watching your mum weep,literally weep infront of the television!*Memories Break*
So,recovering from that one,(I still remember though,I do,and I always will,most of us will!)I am reminded of the sheer wonder of seeing 4 goals in hardly 10 minutes!Yes,I talk of the Brazil-Germany semi-final now.I’d slept early that day,expecting a mild 3-2 germany win,at the most!The most pleasant of surprises awakened me the following day,as conversations about the match and its unbelievable results poured in!7-1?7-1!!!! SEVEN-EFFING-ONE!!!!! I had to watch(and re-watch) the match to finally believe the wonders klose and his mates had worked!Them feels.:”)
And oh I remember crying with james Rodriguez when Colombia was eliminated,and feeling sad for ochoa,and well,that 113” goal from goetze,which ended a brilliant football tournament,after a brilliantly tough match!I remember crying for messi,and crying tears of joy for germany,together!
And Oh how can I forget that miracle of a match where cory Anderson smashed and pounded away to reach a mammoth target against the Rajasthan Royals?That jubilant surge of pride when this player who had been the best paid underformer finally came around!And how!And that missed beat,when despite all this efforts,MI still appeared to lose!and then the six hit by Tare!Ohh,sweet reminiscence!
Sorry,for I got carried away,with all those memories,and there are sad ones as well,like federer losing,or India losing to Pakistan in the final over,on my birthday,but We Don’t Go There.Not now!All these will strike a chord,what with legendary clashes like FCB-Real Madrid and ManU-Chelsea going on around,and sania winning another title,and virat finally getting his charm back!
One might wonder why the extra bout of nostalgia..well,the movie:Mary Kom!This brings us back to where I actually began,before we strayed down Memory Aisle!Omung Kumar has done a fantastic job of directing this biopic!So much,that it actually had me on my haunches,cheering for Mary aka priyanka in the last fight,a silent spectator with the crowds when she’s on the verge of losing,and then fiercely urging her to get Sasha in the face,when she finally gets up!There were tears too,(there always are,NOT that I’m a crybaby or something,but I’m an emotions-person;p),as our Anthem played in the end,tears of joy and pride!

image

Them feels:”)

So,in one of my longest ever,I thank all the sportspersons who are a constant source of such joy,and such immense pride,and well sometimes such disappointment(we are,afterall,only human!) for uniting billions,making individual worries and disasters disappear,even for a while,at the sake of their entire lives!Salute.
For you,my dear dear dear darling reader(the extra adorations in the hope that they compensate for the extra length,sorry)a big ThankYou with candy on top,from the bottom of my heart!Hope you had a good time with some of your sports-memories,waiting to hear them form ya’ll,comment them below please.As always,comments and criticisms welcome.Thanks,God bless.
P.S:That van persie goal at 90+4”!*_*.